~My Life~

Life goes on..

2009-09-29T00:29:00.004+08:00

It's been a LONG time since I last wrote an entry.. maybe it's abt time to write one again..

I finally moved out of phase 1 in my job and am finally posted to a branch.. Life's alot more stable now and I think I finally found my feet.. with lots of help from pple ard me of course.. where will I be if not for them?

Again, I think I finally know what I'm doing.. I see an end goal.. And I'm making progress towards it..

I can do this..

these days, Life revolves ard work.. work aside, the boys in my life somehow all work in the same office.. I finally got out of the serial dating mode and settled on 'seeing someone'.. it lasted for a short while now that I think abt it.. of course, during the time, it seemed quite a bit longer..

I guess it ended cos there were too many issues.. I am honestly quite disappointed on how it turned out.. but oh well, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be..

Like that song we hear back when we were kids, "Que sera sera, wateva will be will be".

Not too long ago, I used to think that a failed relationship will never work out ever (let's say in the situation u guys meet up again a long time later and something rekindles).. I'm not even in the habit of keeping ex bfs as frens.. so this really is quite a new concept to me..

But lately, I've been thinking abt this.. I guess for wateva reason it didnt work out back then, perhaps it's cos neither of us were ready? and it's all a part of growing up anyway.. we were kids, we didnt know wat we were doing.. as upset or as hurt one would feel at the time, I guess it comes to a point where one decides to let go and move on.. at the end of the day, let's just chill and take it easy.. nothing personal, it just didnt work out.. if something rekindles a few years later, maybe it's worth a shot.. of course this is in theory.. haha.. like in the movies..

However, this does not apply to cheaters or violent boys.. I've been hearing ALOT of stories abt such bfs lately.. it's scary.. looks like there is a community of pple ard me who get abused and actually put up with it.. I never knew they existed.. To all such pple ard, it's best to cut your losses before you morph into someone you dun even know existed within you..

gals who put up with cheaters, some lose the ability to trust, most turn incredibly insecure, some even get to the stage where they always think they're not gd enough for him and end up really messed up..

gals who put up with violence, some end up living in fear, some brew phobias, another group end up cheating, the list goes on..

why put yourself through this entire list of agony? Just pluck up the courage and walk out.. Let's not hang on cos of emotions.. after you've walked out, just remember why you did.. and you'll be fine..

The Simple Pleasures in Life

2009-06-15T01:19:00.004+08:00

Finally a day off work! and it was a Great day! truly a day well spent..

I think my whole life revolves ard work and the colleagues now, that I've forgotten how life used to be.

Today was a nice day away from all that. we went cycling, caught a movie and spent the rest of the time pigging out. I spent time with pple impt to me. My little sister, one of my best frens, and her brother.

We were mostly catching up, bitching abt boys, talking abt possible future trips, etc. omg there are SO many things I need to do again..

As Life goes on, we all get sucked into the endless spiral of it. What brings us back to who we are and remember what's truly impt to us?

The Simple Pleasures in Life..

An Interesting Day..

2009-06-04T22:16:00.002+08:00

2 mths into the job and I finally know wat i'm doing. Just this week, I think I finally have a direction.

Today was an interesting day.

I have a new boss at work. those who know the story would know wat a joke my last boss was. the new one is SO much better already. One simply cant work under someone he/she has lost respect for. Maybe that only applies to me.

I was chatting with a senior colleague of mine today. and we were talking abt upgrading wrt my role. she says to me 'of everyone, we're hoping u would join us'. wow. wat an honour.

A few hours later, I was discussing an issue with my boss. and she suddenly says to me, 'Charlene, u're a really special individual, and I'm not the only one saying this'. She then goes on to tell me that she's been hearing gd things from various pple (including my ex-boss). She thinks i'm really motivated. It totally caught me by surprise, I just didnt know how to react. lol.

My buddy thinks it's one of those mind games they play with us. Is it truly? Perhaps. She seemed sincere though. I guess I'll have to give her the benefit of a doubt first. True colours tend to show after awhile. I'll know better then.

Follow your heart?

2009-05-29T19:38:00.003+08:00

Today I shall write a new post. Finally after almost 4 mths? I'm not sure who's gonna read this but I'll just assume none of the key characters in the story..

So I started work in a new job. it's been 3+, almost 4 mths. I've always had this 'colleagues are colleagues, frens are frens' policy. The line is very clear and no one crosses it. Someone explained to me today that your first experience is always the basis of comparison. I think he's rite. With this current job, that policy is somehow no longer in effect. I even considered dating one of my colleagues!

The culture here is really different. Somehow, my life revolves ard work rite now. We work 7 days a week mostly. Even on days off, we're still working. My frens are my colleagues. we hang out after work. we meet up once a week to catch up. we bitch abt work. we look out for each other. everytime one of us moves on, the rest of the group is affected. we love each other to bits.

the last few mths have been a really interesting exp. on my own. i've learnt alot of new things abt myself. at one point, i thought 'am i really a needy person after all'? i've never thought of myself as one, but it was just incredibly lonely. looks like there is truth to the saying 'no man is an island'. it's much better now, I guess these days I mostly miss Lucky and Romeo.

at another point, i was afraid that i was turning into a mega bitch. one day, a colleague offended me in some way and i did something i normally wouldn't have done. it was just mean, nothing major. but wat got me thinking was that, i did it simply cos i could. there wasn't even anything for me to gain. i reflected on it, and though i didnt apologise or anything, i guess now i know i'm capable of being a bitch (yes it's no surprise to those who've known me for some time, but it's an incredible self-discovery for me).

the lastest update in my life, of course the juiciest, is always to do with relationships. let's call the first guy, A. he was ard for the longest time, and he was really sweet to me. he was someone i could rely on for anything and he has alot of wat i want in a guy. he was ALWAYS there for me and we had alot of chemistry going on between us. but then the timing was never right. one day, things changed and shotly after, he vanished. I was truly disappointed and decided on a write off. I guess he'll always be a gd fren.

and then B comes along. very sweet little thing and a very promising prospect. an incredible amt of chemistry. he's always helping me out, giving me encouragement, giving gd advice, etc. things weren't incredibly smooth but i felt that things were going well between us. now before i truly get to know him, i'm suddenly getting hot and cold treatment from him. sigh, i guess that's another write off. Again, I was disappointed.

a few days back, A reappears.

Why must Life be so complicated? Or maybe it's actually really simple but then it's my emotions getting in the way. It's so frustrating.

My buddy doesn't approve of either A or B. he thinks i'm going to get myself screwed over. he told me one day that as a fren, he doesn't wanna see me get hurt and that i should just focus on finding a decent, serious guy.

one day i met up an old fren for lunch and we were just catching up. he told me 'my dear fren, ur life is still so complicated. i was hoping that part of u would have changed'.

And today I met up a couple of other old frens for lunch. And one of them said to me, 'wat does ur heart tell u?' he says women have a way of knowing, unlike men. he told me to go home and think abt it.

so on one hand, yes i'm still trying to decipher wat the heart feels. but on the other hand, is it truly wise to follow ur heart? wat happened to knowing the consequences of your actions? i've learnt that i do stupid things if i didnt think things through first. if i did follow my heart, wat if i got hurt? again?

A Poem

2009-02-17T12:08:00.001+08:00

One Art

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

---Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

-- Elizabeth Bishop

'Always Look on the Bright Side of Life'

2009-02-05T01:16:00.005+08:00

it's been ages since i last wrote a post.. i guess it's probably abt time to write another..

in the last 4 mths, life has changed dramatically for me.. briefly, i got evicted and am now living on my own.. i got retrenched and found a new job.. i was attached and am now unattached.. the biggest stresses in life, all in a matter of 4 mths..

for the longest time (time seems to pass really slow when all these things happen) i asked myself, why do all these happen to me? i mean, how many pple's moms evict them? do i know of anyone else who is living alone at the age of 21, going 22? who ever got retrenched at my age? and then, why do i keep getting in and out of relationships? is growing up this hard? should it be?

after massive bitching and loads of time thinking abt all that's happened, i've come to realize that it really doesn't matter. shit happens, move on. (although this much shit... hmm..)

there is true wisdom in the phrase 'always look on the bright side of life'.

what came out of retrenchment? i've learnt that freshies aren't spared. and that i have gd frens. everyone (esp those working) helped me to look out for openings, edit/forward my resume, etc.

what came out of another failed relationship? i know better now what i want and what i dun want in a guy. this'll only make the next relationship better.

what came out of being evicted? i realized that i have truly gd frens. all my frens offered help, of which, 3 (and their families) took me in.

i am a whole lot more independent now. i finally take charge of my life (no need to take shit from anyone cos i don't have to). i pay rent, i do my own laundry, i clean up my room, i even started cooking! it's feels really gd to know that one's self-sufficient. someone once said to me, 'when the onus is on urself, u'll do it.' although i didnt understand him at the time, now i do.

i love this freedom. i finally get to decide wat i want to do (roadtrips, fishing, kayaking, climbing), where i wanna go (omg i haven't been to m'sia more often), most imptly, how to live my life.

what i appreciated most throughout this 4 mths is that i never had trouble finding someone to confide in. it's really nice to know that there are so many caring pple ard.

thanks for being there for me guys. esp Crystal, Dave, Ylit, Mag, Ian, Xiao Hao, Adrian and Kiwi (no order of preference/importance here). i really dunno where i'd be now if it weren't for all of you.

4 Updates

2008-10-03T12:25:00.004+08:00

It's been an incredibly long time since I last published a post. well a lot has happened since.

first, the whitewater issue is now case closed. at least the part impt to me. my bf and I finally went for a trip. though it wasn't with an ideal group, I still had fun. there was an endless supply of durians, rambutans and MANGOSTEENs!!

during the trip though, I had a worried spider on my back every time we got into the water. it did get somewhat annoying. like a VERY protective parent afraid the child's gonna get hurt. on the bright side, aww.. my baby loves me.. haha..

the second update is bad news first and then gd news. Benz passed away with kidney failure. it was a painful 2 mths. he died at the vet's. on the examination table. in my arms. mom was distraught for some time. I guess we've all moved on. He'll always live on in our hearts.

a few weeks after that, a puppy followed my sister to sch. she left it at the police post with the instruction that she'll come back to get it after sch. when she got there, the SPCA's already picked up the dog. wat retards. like, which part of that simple instruction did they not understand? disgusting. haven't they heard of SPCA's 24-hr put down policy? if someone at the SPCA decided that the dog is not suitable for adoption, it'll be put down. and that's within 24 hours of the SPCA picking up the dog.

lucky for the puppy, they either thought that he was a lost dog or suitable for adoption, so he lived thru the weekend. and my sis went to pick him up on Mon after sch. interestingly, when she told her story, they only asked for her NRIC, and gave her the puppy with a few dog-care brochures. no questions asked. my sis is only 15. well i'm not complaining.

so now we have a new member to the family. His name's Mocha. i don't have any pictures of him yet, but he's REALLY cute. i'll put it up in the next post.

the third update is my new hobby. FISHING. the weekend before I started work, I went fishing on a kelong with a few frens. My first time. Check out my catch.

Finally, the 4th update. I just started work. Barclays Ops. Another glamourous email add. again, for friends who wish to apply for a 'first paycheck treat', pls send me an email stating your name, number and a reason for the treat. haha. charlene.wong@barclayscapital.com

The Basic Whitewater Course

2008-06-19T13:10:00.011+08:00

Thurs nite, I left for Tanjung Malim on a Coach with 4 other pple I barely knew. We were heading there for a Basic Whitewater course.

3 days later, we're best buddies. We left Tanjung Malim on Sunday nite. I felt sad to go, though I did miss home.

The basic whitewater course was a really gd experience. it was conducted at Sungei Bernam, which is a grade 1+ 2 river. Our coach, Amin, brought us thru step by step. Very gd progressive learning. and he's so encouraging. I really appreciate that.

I went there feeling slightly nervous at first, cos everyone keeps telling me I shouldn't go, that it's too dangerous, etc. esp with such a diverse group, everyone of which i didnt know prior. seriously guys, what was i to do? wait till u guys approve and then I go? i'm no such loser.

I met friend A (post: The Whitewater issue) last nite while climbing. during supper, he came to interrogate me abt the course. i think he was trying to build a group profile, to help him decide whether to include us later.

During the conversation, he explained why he excluded me. While he had his reasons, we have our different views. He ended his big speech with 'I hope u don't hate me'. Supper adjourned then, so only later i dropped him an sms to say that I dun hate him. I just hate the way he handled the situation. He apologized, and I went on to point out a couple of things that could have been avoided.

I wonder how he's taking that, but frankly, it doesn't matter.

Enough of this emo stuff. Now let's talk abt the trip itself.

There were 7 of us in total. 1 couple who drove up 1 day earlier, and the 5 of us took a coach. The couple quite anti-social. It seemed like they were there purely for a course.

when we got there, it was 5am. Dark and scary. We didn’t know where our hotel was. Even though we made an earlier booking, the guy still tried to rip us off. In the end we got a room for 50RM for 4 hrs (the rip off price).

At 9am, we had big plans for breakfast. We packed up our stuff, and open the room door, this guy sticks his hand out and went, ‘hi, I’m amin.’ There goes our breakfast.

So we got into his car and he brought us to Sungei Bernam. We checked into a room at the chalet there. Half a day of orienting us in the river, and we pretty much warmed up to each other. All the jokes started coming in and we had pillow fights at night.

One of the days, we were running rapids when Kumar capsized and bailed out unexpectedly. At that point, only Pat, David and me were downstream. We hadn’t learnt abt rescue yet but we executed a well coordinated yet unplanned rescue. Damn proud of ourselves lah. Haha. and Kumar bought us drinks after that.

The last day, Amin brought us to lower Sungkai. It’s a grade 2 to 3+ river. from where we started, it was a build-up towards the grade 3+ rapid. We were pretty nervous abt it. I was replaying the route over and over in my mind till I was off.

At the entrance of the rapid, I made a mistake (went too far to one side) and capsized. Went thru the rest of the rapid upside-down. Tried to roll a couple of times but failed. Finally ran out of breath and bailed out. Thought I was at the end but when I opened my eyes, oh fark there’s the biggest drop to go. I hit my ass hard on a rock, and was thrown abt mercilessly. By the time I surfaced at the bottom of the rapid, I was so damn demoralized.

All that build-up and I screwed up.

When Amin came back, I was like, can I go again pls? he agreed immediately and we portaged my boat over mega rocks (some were slippery). I was struggling and he took over after awhile, and I was still struggling with just my paddle. so embarrassing.

My second run, was a little more nervous. I corrected my earlier mistake and after I passed the first couple of challenging drops, the confidence came back. After the next couple of drops, I capsized and I rolled up just before the biggest (last) drop. And I went down VICTORIOUS.

Well that pretty much concluded the trip for me. It ended on a really gd note. We were all sad to go, but life returns to normal.

I'm just happy that I did it!

http://www.freewebs.com/kayakmalaysia/apps/photos/album.jsp?albumID=1253341

My Last Day at MS

2008-06-06T00:33:00.003+08:00

Today is the last day of my exams. Strangely, I wasn't as focused this round as compared to last year. And I wasn't anticipating the end of it like I did last year either. I thought today would be liberating, but strangely, it wasn't as I expected. Not like my last day at MS. Today, I was just happy that this whole draggy period is now finally over. The past 4 weeks or so have been revolving around me very excited abt my proposal, kayaking, windsurfing and later on, my parrots. Studying was like, 'sigh ok focus, it'll be over soon.'

I was looking thru my blog yesterday and I was very amused by my previous entries, in particular, those abt work. From the excitement of getting my first job, to the contempt of working life, to the decision of extending my stay from 6 mths to 5 yrs. I realized that I left out the most impt part of all. My last day.

In the end, I stayed for abt 9 mths and 2 weeks. How things change in such a short time. One day I decide I'm done with this. A few weeks later, I decide ok fine I'll swallow my pride and make sacrifices for a goal. and a few months later, I have a different goal. Not an entirely different goal, similar in the long-run, just a different route.

I guess, it took some courage to decide to leave behind a stable lifestyle with a paycheck at the end of the month. esp since MS is such a gd name, and it really was a gd stepping stone for a fresh grad. on top of all that, all my frens are hyped up abt getting jobs, esp at firms like MS, it seemed rather stupid of me to just throw it away like that.

it was pretty scary at first, but i kept telling myself that there are so many pple who have gone thru so much more.. dun be chicken.. All the pple in history who have done great things or achieved a great deal, never simply held on to jobs.

So one day, I made the decision. I told my boss (ex-boss) I'm leaving. At first, I was kinda sad cos I was going to miss some pple I've grown attached to there. But hey, we all grow up. As my last day approached, I was looking forward to it more and more, and when it finally came. omg it was the happiest day in 9mths and 2 weeks. Even though my boss had a huge fit and I left the office at 7.30pm (latest I ever stayed. No OT pay. I should end work by 6pm) that day.

It was liberating. When I stepped out of Capital Square, I turned back and looked ard at the place that has been such a big part of my life for almost the last year. I was leaving something behind, so that I could move on to something greater.

It's been 2 mths since and things are now set in motion. I've passed the point of no return.

Every day that passes now is a day closer to my resources running out. Yet even though I don't know wat the future holds for me, I'm somehow excited to find out. I hope Life doesn't kill this dream I'm dreaming.

My first Breakthrough

2008-06-02T13:00:00.002+08:00

I've got four parrots at home. 2 Umbrella Cockatoos (Snowy and Romeo), 1 Cockatiel and 1 Lori (Charmaine). Among other pets.

When we got our first Umbrella Cockatoo, Snowy, I went online to research abt diets and parrot-care. Somehow I got on the free monthly email from Chet Womach's BirdTricks.com

One day, a few months later, I decided to buy Chet's package. I'm not sure which exactly I bought but it's 1 DVD and 2 Audio CDs where Chet and his brother, Dave, show us how to tame and train our birds. They topped it off with some tips on diets.

So here I am, in the midst of exams, eagerly waiting for the package to arrive (3 weeks), writing a business proposal and improving my birds' diets and living conditions (organic food, bigger cages, more toys, etc).

The package finally arrived on May 27th and I started on the Target-Training technique a couple of days later on Romeo, Charmaine and the Cockatiel.

Now, barely a week since I started, I got my first breakthrough. I got Charmaine out of her cage and onto a stand, for abt 10 mins.

Charmaine's been with us the longest. I don't know which type of Lori she is exactly but she's red with green wings and has a white ring around her iris. She was one of the first few birds we got. I've never realized this but we've had her for about 10 years already. During this whole time, I've barely had any contact with her. I feed her treats every now and then. And I've also managed to pet her (through her cage bars) occasionally, but then she'd bite me suddenly after a few mins of petting. Eventually I stopped petting her.

Today, she caught on to the wooden dowel immediately. after a few times of stepping on it or stepping over it to get to the target (chopstick), I moved the target onto the wooden dowel near me. She hopped up immediately and touched the target. When I gave her the treat, she picked it up, walked right next to my fingers and ate it there. when she was done, she'd lick my fingers as if informing me that she was done. (this was so scary cos the last few times her beak got that near my fingers, i got bitten)

I got her to move around the stand (target and then reward) for a bit then decided to put her back in her cage. she responded so well to Target training. it's incredible.

For those who wish to tame or train your birds, I'd recommend Chet's package. (For more info, pls visit www.birdtricks.com)

I'll show some pictures after Charmaine's totally tame and Chet gets 5 stars (my rating) after Romeo can do tricks.

The Whitewater Issue

2008-05-12T12:08:00.002+08:00

I wasn't going to bitch abt this, but a phone conversation today made me change my mind.

I've always wanted to try whitewater kayaking but somehow never found the time or the opp to. the only opp that came and went was last year when PA organized one in Korea. it was estimated to cost ard $3000 and i heard abt it in Jan. Do the math, i couldn't afford it. i tried anyway, i went to get a job. after i got the job, i realized 1) i wont save up in time, 2) i cant get leave.

so i didnt go.

here comes this guy A. he inspired my interest here. not particularly in Whitewater, but in kayaking and going out to see the world, not just stay confined to Changi Beach.

so A organizes a whitewater trip to m'sia and i hear abt it from a few others. I'm actually having exams so i figure i wasn't gonna go anyway. one day my bf says to me, "hey ur frens are going, how come u're not?"

so, curious as to why i was being left out, i asked if i could come along, and asked why i was left out. i thought i was just clarifying a miscomm. I sent him an sms and i was in Genting when he replied. He tried to call but being overseas, i turned off my phone. he sent an sms after that to say that he's not comfy with me going. i cant remember his exact words but it sounded skill-related. (Ego Bruise #1)

i sms my bf saying i found out why i'm not going. he replies, "good idea baby. safety" Double whammy. (Ego Bruise #2)

When A said he's not comfy, he also mentioned that it's a new operator that the group was going there on a recci trip. Which brings me to the qns: Why are u bringing noobs along for a recci trip?

One of my gd frens, B, was going too. and from her, i hear abt a few others who were going. If we count Ramunia (4 star open water course) in batches (1 batch per year), these people are abt 2 or 3 batches after me. (Ego Bruise #3)

Ok i must say that i haven't actually been kayaking much for abt a year. the only kayaking i did in the last yr was Ramunia 07 and Ramunia 08 and a few play water sessions in between. some of the noobs have been more regular than that so fine. but the rest..

my fren B for eg. stopped for abt 2 or 3 years and suddenly chionged everything in abt 1 mth, maybe slightly more, to go Ramunia. Ramunia isn't incredibly safe. people have gotten injured before. Mostly dislocated shoulders. from wat i remember, the frequency's abt 1 pax dislocates his/her shoulder every year.

My first instinct was to help her out. gave her names of pple who would help her, went down with her to practise, negotiate with relevant pple on making an exception, etc. i even changed my dates (omg do u know how hard is it to change offdays with anal colleagues?) to go Ramunia with her. Never once did i say (or think) nah u shouldn't go cos it's dangerous or cos u're not gd enough.

it's not an oversight on my part. Ideally (to me anyway), one shouldn't kill other people's interest. and alot of times, even though u may not be incredibly competent in something, one usually rises to the occasion. I swear i've seen this time and again.

For eg, pple who cant usually play their parts right in a band usually dun screw up on concert day. The reverse is true of pple who usually play ok during practice. Especially when it comes to playing solos. of course this example doesn't include the 'gods'.

my point is, so even if u think this person might not be able to do it, you shouldn't kill his/her interest by exclusion. Which brings me to another point, who are u to judge?

back to the story. one day i went to meet my bf after their pre-trip briefing. they ended late so i sat down for awhile. A was talking, the rest listening, i was reading the newspaper. suddenly A says, "... if the operator is fine, then u can come for our next trip." i look up to see everyone stare at me. i was like, "sorry i missed that. wat did u say?" my bf replies, "they say u suck". (Ego Bruise #4 plus an audience)

I was stunned and didnt know how to react, when A's wife piped up, "ouch that's painful." we laughed it off. I pulled my bf aside later and told him off. i think the guy just dun realize how sensitive this whole thing has become.

Later at supper, B comes to explain to me that A says it's not abt my skill, but more so my style. He's observed that I generally bail out of the boat when I get into trouble. He made his observation in Ramunia. and he says that in a river, one just cant afford to bail out as much. Why is this being explained to B and not to me?

Let's analyze this.

(scenario 1) I go out thru the big waves, and i surf back in. I capsize, i cant roll up, i get out (bail out) and everything washes back onshore.

(scenario 2) I go out thru the big waves, knowing that i REALLY dun wanna bail out, I capsize, I cant roll up, but i die die get myself up.

I know this sounds like a spoilt brat whining, but i have to add that I've proven the scenarios to myself before. back when i played canoe polo for a few months. one day we had a training session, and i decided that i really didnt wanna swim to the side of the pool to do a rescue that day. so, no matter how i went in, i got back up. not once did i bail out that day.

so that makes me a spoilt brat whining with gd reason.

the group went and came back. i told B that i'm not gonna sit ard and wait till A approves of me. a group is going up in june for a basic whitewater course and I've decided to join them. B calls me and tells me her scary experience in the river and ends off with "i honestly feel that if we had another noob with us, it would have slowed us down alot more."

some fren.

so anyway, after that whole episode, i decided, time for me to move on. no point hanging ard a bunch of pple who are always judging u.

today i called a random guy, C. I knew from awhile back. He went on that trip that i got excluded from. I called to clarify the dates of a trip he's organizing and the basic whitewater course another guy's organizing cos i got confused with the dates.

after clarifying, he asks me how i would rate myself in terms of skills compared to my fren B. come to think of it, i never thought of it that way before. maybe it's my attitude towards non-exclusion. i told him i haven't paddled with her in a long while so i am not in a position to judge. He later goes on to say that nobody dares bring me up.

So A 'dun dare bring me up', and suddenly it's 'nobody dares bring me up'? All because of a bailing out issue. and that is only one aspect of the sport. there's skill competency, balance, reflex, safety-awareness, being able to work with a group, etc.

In summary, A excludes me. it causes friction in my relationship with my bf, it does further damage to my frenship with B, and it ends up with someone having the impression of 'no one dares bring me up' (i'd go on to say that this impression applies to the whole group, but i dun have evidence of that at the moment).

Well, this is to A. I have to congratulate u for being singlehanded able to inspire an interest in someone and killing it 2 years later. I would expect that you would have foreseen the fine details that might have entailed ur actions. But no, u didnt. i'm sure there has been some misunderstanding somewhere, but let's face it. the misunderstanding(s) came abt as a result of ur actions. Don't take this personally, I dun want to be associated with u anymore. not because i'm being petty, but because i don't want to have to deal with another misunderstanding(s) brought abt by ur actions. On the bright side, i will not let u get me down or give this up. I'll do this by myself, with or without ur blessings.

Another New Member of the Family

2008-04-17T21:49:00.004+08:00

One lovely Sunday evening, my family went to Changi Village for dinner, as we do on most Sunday evenings. As we were walking home from the bus stop, mom noticed a Golden Retriever wandering ard at the playground outside our house.

Her immediate reaction was "what's Bon doing outside?" When I looked into the house, Bon was inside. So the next question, "if Bon's in there, who is that?" we went over to see the dog. He was all by himself, with a tag on his collar. the poor thing had twice rubber bands tied REALLY tight ard his right hind foot. that foot swelled up till it was abt twice the size of his other foot.

Anyway, he coorperated very well when I held him down so bra could remove the rubber bands. must have been really painful for him, poor thing.

*ALL ANIMAL ABUSERS HAVE A SPECIAL PLACE IN HELL*

We took him in, threw out the tag, and we named him Lucky. At first, he was having trouble settling in. that lasted abt 1 week. He would whine the whole day, was incredibly attn-seeking, and even ran away one morning.

Lucky for him, mom found him just in time. Apparently one of the neighbours saw him wandering ard and let him into their front yard in case he got knocked down by a car. I wonder how close he got to the neighbour calling the SPCA.

After he settled down, we came to realize that he's one smart dog. One day, the maid was bringing in groceries. she dropped a bottle of green tea on her way. he picked it up, brought it into the kitchen with her, and gave it back to her.

wow.

one day, i came back from school and was carrying a big envelope of my notes. He helped me carry it in.

A few days back, mom and i were bringing in groceries again. I put one bag on the floor and we walked off with the rest. he picked it up and brought it to the kitchen with us. along the way, he dropped the whole bag except one of the packets in it. we were SO impressed, and I just showering him with all the praises. he entertained me for a few seconds, got up, and went back to pick up the bag he dropped. He brought it into the kitchen.

That's MY boy!!

Kitten for adoption to good home

2008-01-20T00:21:00.000+08:00

As it says above, the kitten's up for adoption. it's really cute but it's not quite fitting in with the rest. She tends to jump at the birds and she's really hostile towards the dogs. As such, we have to isolate her, in case anyone gets hurt. The maid plays with her abt once a day. So, I think she's better off with a family who can take care of her. She wandered into my neighbour's house a few weeks back. She's been dewormed and is a very healthy little kitty.

If u're interested in adopting her, pls call me @98806320.

Charlene

My New 'gross' Fren

2008-01-12T00:29:00.000+08:00

Today was an interesting day. It's one of those times when i realize again, not to judge a person too soon.

There's this guy sitting next to me at work. His dept loaned the desk from us. He's a temp for 6 weeks and today was his last day. On his first day sitting next to me, my colleague complains abt how he's strewn all the files and papers on the floor. I look over and was like, omg. how annoying. esp since it's only a temp desk. one really should respect the neighbours. The next day, i was just doing my work as usual and i happen to look over. I see the guy staring at his reflection of his nose through his handphone. His handphone he held in one hand. His other hand rubbing his nose. I thought, 'omg!! this guy is GROSS!!' He did that for at least an hour. gosh. don't hands feel tired eventually? My impression of him was set.

Occasionally, as i'm typing away at my computer, I see him from the corner of my eye, bouncing in his seat. I think to myself, 'so he's gross AND restless'. at first i was a little amused with the bouncing. I mean, testing the suspension of a $2000 chair looked fun. Gradually, it started to annoy me. Prob cos it was really distracting. I decided not to make an enemy, I'll just keep quiet and count down to the day he leaves.

So yesterday, I was in the printroom, waiting to use that ancient machine. He was using it in front of me. Surprisingly, he started talking to me. It turns out he's quite nice after all and we headed straight off. We chat for abt 20 mins and then I had to rush off to meet my bestie to watch AVP2(Crappy show).

Today, when i got to work, he asked me how was the show. I started bitching abt it. It was ridiculously gory. I mean, the Predator skinned some guy alive and hung his body upside down on a tree. Don't see the logic. the Predator don't even eat pple, let alone have any use for the skin. Also, there were SO MANY aliens and they kept reproducing at an incredible speed. I remember past shows, it's the small UFO thingy that forces an egg down pple's throats and it takes like awhile before the little alien appeared. In this show, the little alien appeared almost immediately. They started out as one big alien in the woods and after the incredible rate of reproduction, were appearing as if there were more aliens than humans in that town. They littered the town and were randoming attacking everyone. So dumb. they didnt seem to attack for any particular reason. There was one lady who got pierced in the back, one guy who got pierced in the forehead, one lady who got her stomach ripped out... One alien even jumped into a swimming pool to grab a couple of guys when there was a gal rite at the edge of the pool!

On top of that, the whole movie took place mostly ard nite time. So most, if not all, the scenes were dark and to make matters worse, it was raining throughout the entire second half of the show. I mean, u couldn't even see a whole alien even when it appeared rite in front.

The 'gross' guy sitting next to me pointed out that kids generally don't die in horror/thriller films. The kid was the second to die in this show.

So back to that 'gross' guy. We ended up chatting the WHOLE day. He started telling me abt how he and his gf just broke up a few days back and that he regrets and he misses her. Poor guy. He seems the idealistic, sentimental, a total sucker abt the whole 'fate saga' type. I shared abit abt my last relationship and he was like, ur ex bf should go to hell. I went on to telling him that my ex's is the typical RI, RJ, 'I'm-Elite-cos-I'm-in-law-sch' type. And he went, hey I was from RI and RJ too. What a small world. It turns out he knows my ex. Not personally though. But still.

I remember the fresh breakup feeling and I felt sorry for this guy. He said he's got nothing to do today so I asked him to join me and Ian for dinner. It turned out that he had to work late and I left earlier. He did, however, manage to meet us after that.

Surprisingly, it turned out quite fun. At first it was a little weird. cos my bestie was giving that 'I'm bored and not feeling too social' attitude. I figure he'd learn something from our conversation so I just ignored his behaviour. I mean, he's gonna graduate one day and would have to start asking ard abt jobs. why not just hear it now?

After awhile, my bestie started opening up. prob cos the 'gross' guy started to share abt his relationship. It turned out quite fun. My bestie and I were just giving advice. It was hilarious. On one hand we were giving him that 'forget it lah, not worth it' advice. On the other hand, we didnt wanna demoralize him too much. So we kept giving conflicting advice. haha.

The nite ended cos my bestie was pretty tired and the 'gross' one had to meet other frens. I concluded that he's quite a nice guy after all.

I learnt something today. If I hadn't been so judgemental, as I tell myself occasionally, I would have had some fun with a lunch kaki. Pity i only got to know him on his last day. But I guess at least I did get to know him.

MJ Mania

2008-01-04T16:44:00.000+08:00

My New Year's Eve celebration. Guess how I celebrated it? the typical Singaporean way when the-bf's-overseas. I played mahjong.

After meeting that MCP, it took me another 10 hours to decide to kick him from my New Year plans. So I did, and sadly, the friend that brought him along too. And I found 2 people to replace them. One, my cousin. The other, my bestie.

BIG mistake.

We were going to start playing ard midnite. So when I saw my other cousin's sms invite in the afternoon, I went for it. Hmm. We played two rounds and I lost $40. But at least we had fun. And I got to eat dinner there. On top of that, my cousin picked me to and from his place. The thing I didn’t enjoy though, was dinner. The food was great actually. A very nice home-cooked meal. The problem was my uncle.

I think the guy’s got some issues. Firstly, he starts picking on my speech. He asks why I choose to speak as I do. I told him I speak like I do since I was little, not that I choose to. He then goes on to accuse of worshipping the ‘ang-mo’s. I pointed out again that I do not worship them and that my speech has nothing to do with them.

He then goes on to accuse me of being a Christian and that it’s the ‘ang-mo’ religion. I’m not Christian and I told him so. He then goes on to talking about the Muslims and Christians always at war cos the ‘ang-mo’s are ‘think they’re king’. He also goes on to tell me about how he despises them and that back in the 70s, they gave him the ‘colonialist’ treatment and that now he can just turn around and scold them vulgarities in their face. Big farkin deal. Racism is not something I'd be proud of really.

He lives like a King in his house. My aunt and their daughter-in-law cooked the entire meal. He and his son did not help out at all. When setting the table, he gets his own side of the table, plus a bigger bowl, and a nice A5 sized piece of newspaper for him to spit out his fish bones. After the meal, he just leaves everything there and walks off to watch tv. omg. Would it kill him to bring the bloody bowls to the sink at least? or throw away that disgusting 'used' newspaper? I hate guys like that really. Another MCP?

So anyway, after the 2 rounds and $40 lost, I headed home for my next session. I was pretty tired by then but I wanted to celebrate New Year's eve and it also isn't nice to cancel out on others. The next session was pretty fun too, except that I lost another $30. This really is my most expensive New Year celebration, and also the most expensive mj day. My cousin was just SO lucky!! I told him he's banned from coming here again. You know, like how some casinos ban certain pple from entering.

Happy New Year!!

Insufferable MCPs

2007-12-31T00:53:00.000+08:00

Today was a day I accomplished a few things. I did up my fish tanks (oh my god they're BEAUTIFUL now), I bathed Bon (who's beautiful too), and I packed up my room a little. After all that, I still managed to play Mahjong with some old friends. One of them brought another friend, let's call him X.

At first, X seems really nice, like the typical i'd-do-anything-for-a-gal type of guy. I thought he was kinda hot, since he's got the big dragon-boat boys' type of bod, with a not-so-dumb look. (My impression of the typical dragon-boat boys' is hot bod but dumb face) So we were all playing mahjong and I think the guy was mildly flirting with me. I found it amusing at first.

As every mj game goes, pple chat and catch up abt the past. How's this person, how's that person. Remember this? Remember that? It came to a point when my good friend was like, do u remember what u wore back when we first met in poly. This friend of mine, is a pretty entertaining guy who's really materialistic. But he has his occasional down-to-earth side which I can still click with. And he's been a dependable good friend in times of need so far. So anyway, he starts telling everyone that I wore an oversized cargo pants with a 'no fear' t-shirt. I don't see what's the big deal but since everyone else found it funny, I laughed along too.

For the rest of the game, which took place over the next couple of hours, X kept harping on it. (this is where I decided that X isn't hot anymore) I got quite irritated by the 2nd or 3rd time but I didnt wanna spoil the happy mood everyone was in. So I just brushed it all off.

Honestly, if I had all the time and money in the world to sit ard reading magazines, deciding wat's pretty and wat's not, and go shopping, I would have, just like what everyone else in sch was doing. In reality, I was not. I was going through a rough period. My mom was dead broke. We had trouble finding a decent house to live in. I had to work for my pocket money. I had to pay for my sch fees. Part-time jobs only paid abt $5 plus to $6 per hour. Let's say I spent abt $300 a month for my own living expenses, and I had to cough out $1000 plus for my sch fees. Now imagine how much time I would have had to work for that. With that, do you think I would have had the time to educate myself to be fashionable?

Even after sch started, I still had to spend a great deal of time working just so that I could have enough money to still have a life (go out for food/outings with my friends and things like that). At that point, my good friend came up to me and was like, "u're a babe. Now let's make u look like a babe. We're going shopping." Of course I had to push it off until I saved up enough to go shopping. As grateful as I am for this crash-course in fashion education, I think the point here is that my life really just isn't like everyone else's. So respect that and not make fun of it. My friend was ignorant, yes. But X? downright insensitive.

After we were done with the game, I asked if we were going out to eat, since X drove. (SOP) A courtesy question after a game. So, 3 of 4 of us went out to eat. Here comes the MCP part.

X tells me he just got his license last month. In the car, while we were on the way to dinner, I was playfully saying "I wanna drive ur car". His immediate reaction was "no way man, I can safely say I'm a much better driver than u" I couldn't quite remember the rest of the words but it was to the point of "don't even think abt it". I know cars and driving are personal and can be a little sensitive, which I totally disagree with but respect btw. If he had just told me nicely that he didnt feel comfy abt it, I'd have dropped the topic immediately. Anyway, I pointed out that firstly how can he compare since he's never seen my driving, and secondly that I got my license way before he even took his basic theory. For goodness sake, the state recognises that I'm a competent driver and this farker going through a probation period thinks he's the best?
He went on to bragging abt how he's managed to clock up a good 6 mths worth of 'unlicensed driving' exp. I pointed out that illegal driving is not something I'd be proud of. He then went on even further to brag abt how he's beat 3 red lights and not get caught. Insufferable MCP.

At that moment, I realized that he's SO not someone I would hang ard with. And I feel insulted all over again why I attract such assholes. He really isn't the first in history. The biggest realization I made was that, 'shit. This is not even the start of dinner'. So i had to plaster a smile the entire time, though I made the effort to stay out of the conversation. I figure if i just ate and minded my own biz, dinner would be over and done really soon. As I found out later, this really was not to be the case.

We headed to Simpang Bedok, 'his' territory. He kept bragging abt how he knew the place really well, like which stalls don't charge service charge, which ones had better service, etc. I was just ignoring all those comments. Just bring me somewhere where the food's decent and the price ok.

Since we were in 'his territory', naturally he'd see some friends. If it were me, it's either a "hi, long time no see. how've u been?" kind of short conversation, or a "omg it's been ages" kind of excited with a slightly longer conversation. For him, it's was this, proud-dog/peacock-sashay kind of like, "hey brother" (look everybody, i know the whole world here) kind of body language. I was so rolling my eyes by this time. Here comes the best part.

We sat down. my other friend and I were looking through the menu, trying to decide what to order. In like 5 mins, without our given consent, he decides to order. How inconsiderate. So there I was, trying to figure out which foods weren't spicy (this was quite a toughie since it was an indian stall), X asks me if i want any recommendation. I say ok. He suggests rice with chicken. I was like, ok. Instead of pointing out to me which those were in the menu, he orders for me. wtf. I ask the guy taking our order, is it spicy. he says no. so fine. X then says. "oh u don't take spicy? weak". wtf is this guy's problem?? So I've been having a lousy stomach the past week, and I don't like overly spicy food. that's weak? I SO wasn't gonna waste my time arguing with this guy. They go on talking abt all sorts of things. Mostly generalizing how jc kids are annoying, pathetic, selfish, etc. and abt how the army sux and that they're protecting the nation. I decided not to participate and was just entertaining myself. At least my friend noticed and tried to include me in the army conversation my explaining to me how things would take place during a war.

My good friend will always be my good friend, simply becos I know he's been there for me in times of need. But X? I thought the breed was extinct. They are such fundamentally disrespectful creatures. Making occasional MCP statements jokingly is really quite different from being genuinely MCP. This is a reminder to me how much I hate MCPs.

Anyway, we agreed to overnite mj on New Year's Eve. I guess I cant back out now. Let's just hope I don't hate him or lose my cool and tell him off publicly by the end of the nite.

Self-Realization

2007-12-29T22:04:00.000+08:00

Today seems like the first time in another long while where I find that I have time to add another entry to this blog. I guess it's cos my bf's in China and my bestie's in M'sia. I guess my life really does revolve ard small circles. I guess I always knew why I never made the effort to keep in contact with large groups. Firstly, big groups are meant to have fun with. When you feel down, it's not like u can confide in a big group. I think that means alot to me as friends. Secondly, it's just easier to maintain contact with one or two persons in a group. Besides, with an exclusive friendship, you can pick the person. Big groups are susceptable to things like peer pressure, etc. Even if I did make the effort to have big groups, one day we'll all grow up and drift anyhow. I guess a few pple I know will dispute this fact. They obviously haven't grown up yet.

A few days back, I went for a concert. One of my old friends asked me to go. Since we haven't met up for abt a year, I agreed, thinking that my ex-bf won't be there. He's a really self-centred piece of scum who would only go if he had no plans. I figured since we broke up a year ago, he's probably found some poor gal by now and wont 'have time' to go support his brother (who was performing), or he'd be out with his 'cool' friends.

So well, we went for the concert. I was just really happy to see my old friend again. At the concert, we bumped into a couple of other friends. It was fun. Just when the concert ended, guess who I bumped into. Yep. He had this look of shock before he did a meek 'hi' wave. I was like, oh man, looks like I miscalculated. I was really annoyed. Anyway, I always remembered him as someone with a good sense of style. But that day, I think he looked pretty crappy. The clothes so totally didnt match. Oh well. I'm surprised he didnt wear one of his $200 underground label hats. Lol.

Today, I went kayaking with another old friend. This one happens to know my ex as well. They were from the same sch. Abt 3 mths back, she and her ex broke up. Her ex and mine have the same history. Oldest sons, same sec sch, same jc, same course (diff schs) in uni. In fact, they might just know each other. But who cares. While kayaking (we were supposed to be practising skills, which we did, though we spent most of the time in the water catching up), she was telling me abt that relationship. Gosh, did it sound de javu-ic. The only diff in the stories is the duration of the relationship and that, after we broke up, I found out that he was cheating on me big time.

Here's a quick recap: guy suddenly shows up at ur door, does loads of stuff to impress u and spend time with u, seems to be really committed abt getting into the relationship, is so sure things can work out miraculously. Guy throws in loads of effort during the relationship, more than the gal. In the meantime, guy turns out to be a typical, obnoxious, thinks he's the 'creme of the crop' in SG (go figure which schs they're from). Gals put up with it since they're the gfs. When sch starts, guy throws the gal aside. Obsessed with new schmates. Comes to a point where an sms per day/per week is too much commitment. And suddenly the guy says, "Let's break up".

Ridiculous. Back then, I was devastated cos I had put in so much into the relationship. Now, on hindsight, it was seriously good riddence. If I had stayed on in that relationship, I cant imagine what would be of me today. I remember during the entire duration of the relationship, I kept doubting myself. I kept thinking, 'maybe i'm just being paranoid', 'maybe i'm wrong', 'I'll give him the benefit of a doubt'. Eventually, it became a habit to just take whatever crap he gave me and learned not to trust myself anymore. Pathetic.

While I was getting out of the depressed mode, (this process took abt a month) I kept thinking through things. I guess that month made me realize what I truly wanted in a guy, on top of what I already knew. I thought my ex was my ideal kind of guy, minus the obnoxious bit. He was smart, too smart for his own good. I thought I was happy. But I knew somewhere something wasn't right. This I never admitted though. It took alot of tears, alot of deep thoughts, and alot of advice from good friends, to figure it out. By the end of my depressed mode, I realized what it was. I was being manipulated. It sounds simple, like, so dumb of me to not notice it at the time. But when u're in it, it's quite hard to judge since my own judgement would have been 'biased', u noe. Besides, I had to respect the other party's point of view since we're both in a relationship. If it came from an objective 3rd party, it might have been easy to spot. I guess that was why I kept doubting myself.

So anyway, after finally getting out of depressed mode, I guess I was mostly rebuilding my confidence again. Towards the end of the month, I met my current bf. Back then, I was a little confused. I guess I just needed time to find myself again. But he was rather insistent and he seemed really supportive. I gave it a chance, though I didnt know why. Now I think abt it, I'm really glad I did. After being with such a scummy character, I guess it made me really appreciate a good guy.

He consistently makes an effort to spend time with me, and he has never pushed me aside for any reason. Sometimes we disagree on certain things but he's never put down my point of view. Most, if not all guys have at least an issue or two that they're MCP abt. In his case, it's either non-existent or it's really remote since I haven't seen it in the last year.

He works on an island and is constantly travelling. Half of his trips are part of his job. The other half are personal. Since they're climbing hardcore mountains or playing hardcore rivers, I have never joined him on any trips. Now that I'm working, I guess I cant get that kind of leave anyway. But no matter how busy he is, he always makes the effort to drop me an sms or call me. When he has to be away for a period of time, he always spends extra time with me before and after. On top of that, he makes me laugh. My sweet baby.

Sometimes, he's away so often, I guess I do get pretty anal abt it. Well, we've handled that and I've come to deal with it as part of the pros and cons in the relationship. I told him he's grounded next year. Haha.

Another fact I'll have to admit is that I realize that I've become less trusting, probably cos of my previous bad exp. He makes the effort to reassure me and so far, all's fine and consistent. What matters is, we're both working on it.

I get alot of advice from different people. Some I take more seriously, some less. Someone once told me (with regards to my last relationship), that I've seen the signs, so be strong. Back then, I felt so lost, I didnt really know what he meant. Now I do. Thanks man. I guess when u're serious abt a relationship, it's not so much announcing how serious u are, but showing it.

I've noticed that with alot of pple ard me, their idea of being in a relationship, getting married and having kids, etc.. It's all idealistic bullshit we picked up from the movies. "We're gonna get married, have 2 kids, buy a nice house, have a nice car, and we'll live happily ever after" just abt sums it up.

Lately, I've come to slowly realize the true impact of all that. A house will cost u at least $1200 a month for a decent comfy one. A car will cost u another $1000 for a usable one. Each kid will cost you at least $1000 a month, depending on how much you pamper your child. This already adds up to abt $5000 a mth of combined monthly income and these costs do not include the monthly upkeep like groceries, PUB bills, insurance, a maid, etc. On top of all that, living together with your spouse is a whole new ball game. There will also be in-law issues, juggling work and family, etc. Maybe I'm finally growing up, or maybe with him, I'm not as blinded. Either way, it shows it's not just childish puppy love. Perhaps I'm finally serious too.

A Random Thought

2007-11-22T12:51:00.000+08:00

I don't know why but I've been feeling frustrated this week. I wake up in the morning, dragging my feet to work. While I sit here, I keep looking at the clock, counting down till the end of the day. Thankfully, time still passes pretty fast. After work, I find something to do in the evenings.

Throughout the day, I'm just feeling a little agitated. When my bf calls in the evening, we talk but I think I've been a little short-tempered with him. Maybe it's cos he keeps going for long trips and everytime he gets back, he's either tired or he needs to prepare for another trip, or both? I think he's preparing for his 6th trip this year. He's leaving on Friday night. He'll be gone for like, a month. He'll only be back for a few days before he goes off for another month-long trip. I don't recall getting into a long-d relationship. oh well. Next year will be a better year.

This week, my team is out in Hong Kong. So i have pretty much absolutely nobody to talk to at work. I spend time mostly doing work, but at points where I need a break, I just find ways to entertain myself.

Mom's in love and HE is staying for 2 weeks. Mom totally revamped the house and my siblings, miraculously, are out for 2 weeks. Bra's in camp and Charlotte's off at a bunch of camps. It's not entirely a bad thing, but it just gives me 3 less persons to talk to at home. Well, it's not like i'm home very much in the first place.

Perhaps it's a combi of all of the above. I'm feeling so sian, yet surprisingly, I've been social enough to go out for lunch the last 3 days. I think today's the worst hit. Can't imagine how i'm going to sit thru class later.

Come to think of it, throught this slow-moving week, the only person I have for comfort is my bestie. He meets me up when I call him. (it's so convenient to have a car.) And he bitches with me abt a sucky day. And he calls me when I'm sian.

A piece of good news though. I've started to picture the kind of lifestyle I want a few years from now. And after some reading I've been doing, I'm slowly drafting out a path towards it. I'm not there yet but I will be. This piece of good news keeps me going.

Pictures

2007-11-10T15:06:00.000+08:00

Bunny, our third dog. He's been with us for the last 5 or 6 years. We adopted him when he was abandoned at a petshop where my friend works. If we didnt take him in, they would have slaughtered him to feed the Birs of Prey at Jurong BirdPark.

Sadly, Bunny passed away on Tuesday. I guess he did live a good bunny life. He had the garden to himself, all the food in the world, and even dogs for companions. Occasionally, while we're having a meal, Benz and Rose would wait by the table, hoping we'll drop scraps for them. Bunny would sit with them. So cute!!

Bunny also comes when he's called. He's such a smart boy. He would also come to you when he wanted some love or food.

I'm working on adopting another rabbit at the moment. It's ridiculous. It's so much easier to adopt a dog.

Here's Bunny feasting on a small slice of bread.

I just realized we haven't named this Cockatiel. She flew into my friend's house on day ard CNY, and was later abused by someone he gave her to. When my friend found out, he took her back and passed her to me.

This is Snowflake. We call her Snowy, for short. I bought her at a petshop a few months back. I don't think she's domesticated, therefore rather hostile to people. We built her a big cage, she seems happy there.

This is Charmaine. She's the oldest pet in the house. A true "Lao Jiao". We had her since I was in Primary School. That means she's been with us for abt 9 years. She's only gotten frenly lately. But she still is temperamental.

Anyway, I couldn't get a good shot of her cos she kept trying to taste the camera.

My latest project: Goldfish. They're so pretty. Again, I couldn't get a gd shot of them. Firstly, cos they kept swimming around. Secondly, cos the tank is outside, there's alot of reflection.

Degree of Focus!

Down. Stay.

Benz with his usual "I wanna go out" msg.

Bon, the latest addition to the family. His previous owners were relocating back to Hong Kong, so they had to give him up for adoption. He's such a pretty boy. He has a very sweet nature too.

Benz is so cute!! He's getting old though. Hairs are turning white.

Rose's favourite picture pose. The moment she saw me come over with a camera, she got into position.

Bon again. I think he wants to go for a walk.

They finally get to go out and play.

2007-11-09T21:43:00.000+08:00

I guess now that my bf's going to be away till the end of the year, I'll be incredibly free. Time to start catching up on things I've neglected.

so far, surprisingly, it's been a great relationship. Despite our differences in lifestyle and views on life, i have to say that we get along very well and that we give each other alot of space. we talk things out when we have disagreements too. (for those who have known me for VERY long, see i'm grown/growing up!!) we've passed the 6 mth mark and time is flying by pretty fast. i told him that on our first anniversary, i'll throw a big party where all my friends can come to congratulate him. haha.

i've been doing alot of thinking lately and i realize that i'm very happy with my life right now. not counting the job commitment bit, but the opportunity for me to learn things i never could in sch, having a great supportive family (including all the pets), and a supportive bf who appreciates me for who i am, i'm contented. although i could use a little more time to keep in touch with my frens. but i guess the job comes with some sacrifice.

A New Addition to the family

2007-11-08T23:48:00.000+08:00

Big news i have yet to announce: We have another new member to the family. his name is Bon and he's a beautiful 6 yr old golden retriever.

At first he had some trouble fitting in. Benz was being pretty mean, but after a couple of days, they started getting along. Bon seems to have this empathy in him. He's so sweet.

One day, i was clipping Rose's nails and she was hysterical. Benz hid in a corner so i wouldn't see him, but Bon stood by Rose throughout the entire ordeal. he even nudged her from time to time, like saying "run!!". Since then, the two appear to be best of friends.

the day before, Bunny died. just before that, he was very weak, breathing heavily and just waiting for us to get home. Bon was the only dog who went over and kept licking him. (i'm assuming this is like a sign of affection, like when dogs have wounds) my sis and i were really upset. Benz and Rose hung nearby, but Bon came over to me and stuck his face in my chest, like a big teddy bear for me to hug when i feel sad. i was so touched. i

've taken some photos of all of them, but i have yet to put it up. i'll do that this weekend, yep. for now, i gotta go sleep. there's work tmr. till next time.

Another Decision

2007-11-06T00:01:00.000+08:00

Finally, another post.

Just a couple of months back, I decided to leave my job after 6 months. Since then, i realize that i've been learning things i otherwise wouldn't have picked up. For eg, now i can type, read and talk on the phone at the same time. Incredible as it may sound, I've also learnt the importance of reading. This working experience, strangely, seems more beneficial than all my years of school. Now why do we go to sch? hmm..

Anyway, having to work under a good boss and encouraging colleagues, i should stay longer. It'll definitely be beneficial to my long-term goals. Look at Warren Buffet, Peter Lynch. They both worked for a pretty long time before they came out on their own. (I don't plan to work as long though)

Conclusion: the original 6months is now extended to 5 years.

A Simple Decision

2007-09-07T13:13:00.000+08:00

This post is dedicated to the few frens ard me who are very close. As I'm writing this, I'm thinking of one in particular. I know there are things in life that we have committed ourselves to. It amazes me that no matter what, he still finds it in him to appreciate life. Remember what we strived for when we first started out. Don't forget that.

It's been ultra long since I've entered a post. Today is probably the first time in a long while since I've found the inspiration and time to do this. I've made a decision a few weeks back and I figure I should pen it down.

The world is divided into 2 categories. The Rats and The Birds.

Every morning I wake up, I rush to work. On the bus and train, I see flocks of pple. FLOCKS. These are the rats. It comes from the term, "ratrace".

As long as I'm working here, I recognise that I'm part of this ratrace. A fact I resent. All around me are the little rats. There are also, the big rats. Now those will not be found on the buses or trains. In fact, they're found either at the office or stuck in a jam on the way to the office, while i'm still rising out of bed.

I've realized, in the past few months, big rats and little rats are all of the same essence. They are, rats. They scurry about when the earth shakes (when their bosses get are in a mood, etc), and they still scurry about after the earthquake, putting measures and parameters in place, in a bid to ensure it doesn't occur again. But it evetually does, and the cycle repeats itself all over again. They've devoted their lives to the organisation, and have lost the meaning and purpose of their own. It's so sad.

I've decided that I wont be a part of this. For now, I'll have to deal with it since I'm not yet in a position to get out on my own. I'm counting down. December 2007. I plan to finish up till the end of the year.

Ever heard of Chris Gardner, Napoleon Hill, Peter Lynch, Warren Buffet, or even Robert Kiyosaki? They are the birds. They fly free. They see things from a different perspective, from above. They see the big picture, they look ahead. Not like the rats.

I'm gonna be a bird. Not a rat. Birds fly free. Rats scurry. I'll get there. I'm going to fly free.

A New Addition to the Family

2007-07-22T22:57:00.001+08:00

It's been almost a month since my last entry and I do have alot to say abt work the past month.. But there's a more impt matter at hand at the moment.. I've got a new baby!! omg.. She's a sweet little girl.. She's gonna grow up to be an elegant little beauty.. I haven't decided what to name her yet.. (And no, I'm not pregnant)

The past two days is the only weekend that I've spent at home, since I've started work.. Been really busy during the week, with work and school.. and by the time I was done with that, Gideon was off to Taiwan for a whitewater rescue course..

So there I was, on Saturday, browsing the internet, when I came across a website.. http://www.prettyparrot.com/ The pictures on the site were so inspiring.. They brought back so many memories of the parrots we used to have.. And I decided to take a walk down at Serangoon North Ave 1.. That's the local pet haven.. Ian agreed to come with me..

As we were walking ard, I was petting the birds.. They're all so expensive now.. What we bought for $400+ when I was in Sec 1, is now $1200 and above.. What we bought for $700+ is now $2200+.. talk about inflation.. we walked into a shop, where we made most of our purchases in the past.. it looks much better now than it did back then, though the birds are still terribly frightened of people.. I think it's mostly cos of the way the shopkeepers handle the birds.. It's more humane now, though still not something i'd agree with..

Anyway, I told myself a few weeks ago that if I find a cockatoo for less than $1000, I'd buy it.. of course it has to be a relatively healthy bird, something I can handle.. Today, that promise I made to myself came true.. Although mom sponsored half of it..

She's an Umbrella Cockatoo.. Unlike alot of the other birds, who were so upset whenever a human being got in sight, she stood on her perch and just watched everybody.. turns out, the shopkeeper was willing to let her go at $700.. For a female parrot, it's DAMN cheap.. I got the cheapest of the lot actually.. the rest were really ridiculously expensive.. although if i were in a better financial position, I'd have paid for a pair..

After negotiating with my mom, we agreed to each pay half.. I was damn happy.. after a shitload of trouble Ian and I went thru to get the cash, I walked into the shop and paid for my baby.. the shopkeeper's a bitch btw.. so mean to the little vulnerable creatures and just plainly lacks the cust service w.r.t. human beings.. she didnt budge on the price or any discount.. oh well..

when i got home, it turns out that the whole family knew of her arrival and we were all really excited.. mom suggested turning the backyard into an aviary, so bra and I went out to hunt for materials.. wasn't a very fruitful trip though, but I look forward to next week..

The little bird seems to be adjusting.. I don't think she'll be a difficult bird to handle, just needs a little time.. I think i'll give her a week to settle down before trying to tame her.. before that, I need to think up a name..

well.. I'll have some photos up after we're done with all that.. For now, I'm just amazed at the whole welcome home feeling we're all having.. A couple of years back, one of our birds, Cyrus, died.. We were mostly heartbroken.. I was like crying when I went to sch, and everyone ard me were like, why u so sad? it's just a bird.. assholes..

Anyway, my new baby, she behaves almost exactly like Cyrus.. it's so dejavu.. my mom's REALLY happy.. she feels it's like Cyrus coming back home.. though I think it's mostly generic Cockatoo behaviour.. haha.. for now, I need to think of a name.. and more imptly, how to tame her..

The Boat

2007-06-30T09:47:00.000+08:00

I've realized that most of my posts are about my discoveries in the office, neglecting other aspects of my life. haha. so this one is going to be one about my boat. (Adrian, this is for u)

It's almost 2 mths since the boat arrived. I haven't unwrapped it yet, fearing it'll smell like the dogs and the other 2 owners, won't like it. So, it's been sitting in a corner of my living room, still in its bubble wrap.

The last I heard, it wouldn't fit in a cab, and so I haven't tried getting it in one, to bring it out somewhere. Adrian's the only key to the issue, unless I get a vehicle, but that REALLY wouldn't be anytime soon. Ivy, on the other hand, has pretty much been missing. Haven't really heard from her since she got attached.

Guys (Adrian & Ivy), we need to decide whether to store the boat, and when to bring it out on its virgin voyage.

Some food for thought here:
There are only 3 of us. and yet, it's hard to communicate cos all of us are busy. We're all working and the other 2 seem to be consistently going for trips. (I'm starting to wonder if I can pull that off after my contract period with the firm. haha.)

Anyway, the other group which bought a boat, consists of abt 10 pple. I cant imagine how it's managed. Imagine, wat if 2 (or more) of the members wanted to go on different kayaking trips. Who'll get to take the boat? Also, how to preserve and maintain its condition if u left it at the club and everybody just helped themselves to it. With 10 owners, who's gonna watch over it? cos they sure dun do that at the club. On top of all that mgmt issues, some pple are bound to pay late or not at all. Yet, they'll still help themselves to its usage. Is that fair? Anyway, the last I heard, from 2 unrelated sources that that boat is in bad shape.

Conclusion: DON'T leave it at the club. We should probably leave it somewhere with a pool. (I'm trying my luck with my dad's condo, wish me luck) Well, we can just leave it here, but use it where there's a pool. but even then, we'll still need adrian's 'little miss daisy'. (that's the name rite?) haha.

and finally, we need to name the boat.

Pay Day

2007-06-30T09:28:00.001+08:00

It's been about a week of work. 8 days, to be exact, and I'm starting to feel at home at the office now. wow. kinda like wat it felt like back then when we were working for Terence. it's nice.

payday was yesterday morning. Everybody in the office were like so happy. the mailman looked very proud to be delivering everybody's payslip. says it's his favourite time of the month.

I met my up 'new fren' for lunch yesterday. (At this stage, she's being promoted from 'new fren' to 'fren') It turns out she's a really talented oil painter. she happened to bring her camera with her and showed me a picture of something she painted. I was impressed. It was a portrait of some guy. it looked very much like a 'da vinci' piece of work. like, you could probably recognise the person if u saw him on the street, yet u could see the paint in the painting. a very artistic touch.

after lunch, i saw 2 of my colleagues chatting and decided to join them. It gradually turned into a husband gossip session among 5 gals. haha. so funny, there was this gal who's quite a feminist, and we shared the same views abt how the husbands should be really nice to the wives. like, do their laundry, chauffeur them ard, run errands on our behalf, etc. and how, if they weren't already doing all these things, to train them to be like that. (It really is very much like having a dog) and there was the married pregnant lady who said that things change after marriage and that women should not depend on men. the final addition to the session was this gal with absolutely no opinion at all. Longest lunch break I've ever had in my 8 days so far.

Finally, as I was walking out of the office in the evening, I decided to stop by the restroom. The Ladies was being washed so I walked into the handicapped toilet instead. omg. it was easily twice the size of a normal handicap toilet one would find at a shopping centre, and there was shower facility. On top of that, there was a seat at the shower so one wouldn't have to stand and bathe. wah. Impressed, once again.

Second Day on the job

2007-06-21T20:21:00.000+08:00

I did simple admin stuff today. Then again, how tough can admin be rite? but u noe, one of the things abt admin is that, u get to see all sorts of documents from all the depts. Esp since I'm in Compliance, I think I pretty much get to see EVERYTHING, or at least the surface of everything.

I learnt yesterday that to be a trader or an investment banker, one has to go for exams at MAS. And I learnt today, that, registration with MAS costs $4000, and another $200 for GST. Application is another $400 or $500, and GST. Or is it the other way around. It's freakin ex lah. My god. But thankfully, the company sponsors everything. Only drawback is that they reimburse u for ur exam fees, which means u have to pay first. At least it's only a few hundred dollars.

I've decided that I quite like the environment in the office. I dun have a specific person to report to, so lunch hour is REALLY flexible. And since it's not frontline, u can be munching on tidbits the whole day and it's OK. I had an apple, a hot chocolate, Hersheys and Pocky today.

I'm gonna stock up more food at my table. Drinks are sponsored, so I just have to figure out how to use that coffee machine.

Another thing I learnt today, is that my new fren (the gal I met yesterday), is 30. wow. I had no idea. And, the 'marshmellows' I saw in a jar yesterday, really is rock sugar after all.

First Day on the Job

2007-06-20T22:38:00.000+08:00

Life at Morgan Stanley, it's only the beginning, but so far, it's pretty pleasant. I'm admin support of the Legal & Compliance dept. The guy sitting next to me looks incredibly like one of my ex bfs. omg, so freaky. but other than that, he's really nice. Brought me touring ard the office (of which the size is incredible), and taking me thru my duties. Things were fairly easy today since I didn't have any computer access to the system. (It takes almost a whole day for the IT dept to come up with your account, and probably 2 days for security to get u a pass with ur pic on it.)

I'm extremely impressed with the office. it's like, wow.. Even the security office was impressive. Spacious, with a view of the city, and there's the screen which completely blocks out the outside light with the touch of a button (just like wat Drew Barrymore did when she lived in Cameron Diaz's house in the movie: The Holiday)

The office occupies 3 floors at Capital Square. I've noticed that the temperature reduces as you go higher. On each floor, there are a loads of pple in the incredibly huge rooms. Yet somehow, it don't feel crammed. I haven't actually explored the pantry on my own, but from wat i've seen so far, the coffee mix is from spinelli's and there's marshmellows in a jar nearby. There are like, another 5 jars to choose from, of which I know one's sugar, one's chocolate..

The other interesting thing that happened to me today was that I met a new friend. I was out having lunch on my own. The 2 ladies next to me were buying back and the guy went off with another. I figured I'd explore the busy Shenton Way area during the crowded lunch break.

The foodcourts and hawker centres nearby were REALLY crowded. Everywhere I went, there was a queue. I almost gave up when I spot a little store with a couple of empty tables. I settled down there and coincidentally, there was a lady eating by herself too. I invited her to join me. haha. Instant frens. She's really nice. Apparently a temp too, working at the Samsung building next door.

After lunch, I went back to my office to do some filing, sorting papers, etc. One of the ladies started verbally taking me thru the different depts in the company. I didnt catch everything but wat I did catch was that to be a banker, u need to sit through MAS exams (sponsored by the co.), and to be a trader, exams by both MAS & SGX. She also told me abt the Private Wealth Mgmt dept. Apparently, to create an account with Morgan Stanley, one need not just be rich, one needs to be filthy rich. She says they have to hit a certain Net Worth before they're entitled. and these REALLY rich pple are referred to, internally, as Business Units (BU). How sad.

Oh, and the final cool part abt my job is that, I automatically become a member of Club Fitness, or Planet Fitness (Something like that).

Looking forward to tmr. Now the email add is Charlene.Wong@MorganStanley.com

Major Lifestyle Change

2007-06-19T23:45:00.000+08:00

I went for an interview today, at Morgan Stanley. The name is good but then the post doesn't seem that interesting. I'll be an admin assistant of some sort. Sadly, I'm gonna be lowest lifeform in the office, at least for the next 6 mths. Probably only a level above the Interns.

But, one determining factor in my taking up this job is that I'll be quite a well paid admin assistant. (Some consolation there) I dun even know my title yet and I'm starting work tmr. Somehow, I'm not looking forward to growing up so soon.

Oh well, I gotta run to catch some sleep then. To all my frens who want a 'first pay cheque' treat, pls send in your application to charlwong@gmail.com (Only best buddies need apply)

Good Luck!!

Just a post

2007-06-13T22:10:00.000+08:00

I met up a fren for dinner yesterday, and one of the first things he said to me was, "I dun see your inspiration." He was refering to my blog.. So Sebas, Ms Personality, this post is just for u.. And everyone else who's reading it, an update of my life..

well.. exams are finally over.. I've been slacking around and job hunting this whole time.. Got rejected by Citigroup today.. Was rather looking forward to that job actually.. but i guess i gotta go search elsewhere..

so i sent out resumes online.. it's so efficient these days.. Just click and a few mins later, u might actually get a call.. I applied for a banking job at the Adecco website and a few mins later, a lady called and says they've got a vancacy at Adecco.. I thought there's no harm in checking it out so I guess I'm headed down tomorrow afternoon for an interview.. How ironic..

Apart from job searching, my life hasn't been very exciting I guess.. The only other thing that happened today is that I hear my grandma's in hospital.. My mom, sis and I went down to visit her.. she seemed happy to see us.. not quite like the last I remember of her.. when she was moving out of my house.. hmm..

The last time she got warded, it was cos she slipped and fell at my uncle's place.. when she got discharged, she moved in with us.. we had a maid to take care of her quite thoroughly.. cook for her, clean her, help her up the stairs, make sure she's on regular medication (she's diabetic) etc.. I think she got pretty bored.. She did absolutely nothing.. just spent her day sleeping, only waking up for meals.. perhaps watch an hour of tv a day.. one day, abt 3 mths later, she announced that she wanted to move back in with my uncle.. so my aunt came to pick her up and send her over to my uncle's place..

I was really upset with my aunt.. If it weren't for her, my grandma would still have a place here, where there's someone to take care of her 24/7.. At my uncle's place, there's usually no one home.. who's gonna take care of her meals? her medication? and wat if she fell down or something?

When she left, my mom said that it's only a matter of time before she ends up in the hospital again.. I guess mom's right.. Such relatives.. I think, this round, I probably wont visit my grandma as often as I did the last time..

For Nizam

2007-05-26T10:26:00.000+08:00

Hey man.. You're one of my best friends I've ever had in my life. And this post is a tribute. Just for you.

Nizam's the most encouraging friend I've had. We met when I was playing with NIE's Symphonic Band. Back then, he was like this gay dude who's really bitchy. (not that it's changed much) haha.. he was nice to me from the start though and we absolutely LOVED to gossip. He stays near me so we went home together alot. Band would end really late, like 11pm at nite. Imagine having to travel back home, to the other end of the island from NIE. As long as I stuck with him, I'd get home, either by hitching rides or by train.

Anyway, we were really into music. (it's died down a little for me but I think he's still into it) And one day, I thought, why don't I do Grade 5? It'll show I've got some competency in my music and that I'm not just plain bitchy. Maybe it was an ego thing more than anything else. But it was really a random thought mostly and somehow he is the one person who encouraged me all the way till the end.

When the time came to register for it, he convinced me to take the Grade 5 practical and theory. I thought that theory was fine, just study for it abit and I'll be good to go. However, I wasn't so sure about the practical. It's just one of those things where u make urself sound really good when u bitch about other people's incompetency, yet, a practical would determine if I was really good or if it was just all hot air. I wasn't sure I wanted to find out. Nevertheless, we both signed up for it. It was quite expensive too, I remember. Nizam not only went down to VCH to register with me, he also paid for me first.

I was really touched. Back then, he was a student at NTU and he was about as broke as me, if not worse, on some days. I wasn't doing well either. I was supporting myself at that time and I was in poly. I relied on tuition and relief teaching. Let's face it, I was barely surviving and I honestly didn't know when I could pay him back. It was a case where, if I didn't pay him back by a certain time, he'd have no more allowance left. This part he never said, but I think is quite accurate. Yet, despite all this, he still paid for me.

The practical exam was scheduled almost a year later or something. By the time it drew near, I almost forgot about it. He started to remind me about it. When I actually sat down and thought about it, I was close to deciding to chicken-out. Firstly, my own instrument wasn't of performance quality. It was a really old piece I bought on a whim at a second hand store. Second, I hadn't been practising much. So, intonation, phrasing, expression and all that would have been not of examinable standard. Third, I know for a fact that I cant sing. There is a portion in the practical exam where the examiner plays a tune on the piano, and you have to sing the melody to him. This really freaked me out.

Because of Nizam's encouragement, I bought the books and I borrowed a trumpet to practise on. He helped me out with my chosen pieces and even gave me aural lessons. I felt a little more confident after that. When Nizam was not free, Ian (my Bestie) would came over to help me out.

The day of the exam came and I was REALLY nervous. Never been through a music exam in my life and I've heard alot of scary stories before. Anyway, the both of them came with me to the exam venue. I was SO stressed. (tried my best not to show it) Alot of words of encouragement and off I went to face what I feared.

Surprisingly, I didn't sound as bad as I had expected. My hands were shaking and yet, the notes came out quite smoothly, not shaky or fluttery, and the chosen pieces came out as I had practised them. Perhaps it was also cos the examiner was really nice. He's a trumpeter himself, from some atas orchestra in the UK. Told him it was my first music exam and that I was really nervous. He said it's ok and told me to relax. He had this nostalgic look as he took a look at my instrument. He even asked about the music scene in Singapore.

When I left the room, Ian and Nizam were like, so gan jiong, "how'd it go? how'd it go?" I was like, "so scary". And Nizam said, "I think you sounded great." That made me feel so relieved. wow.

This was one of the major events in my life that Nizam helped me out with. There are other smaller events though, like when I'm upset with some people, or when I'm dating, or even when I'm going through a breakup, etc..

He's always been there for me. Ok, so he's more busy these days, since he's started work as a teacher. I haven't seen him for months. But hey, we don't have to hang out perpetually to maintain the status of best friends rite? I miss those times when we would hang ard and bitch during the breaks, and go watch concerts. I guess it'll get worse after I start work too. But I'll hope for the best.

Lately, Nizam's even inspired me to learn singing. I try to make time to join his acapella group on thursdays. Succeeded only twice so far. haha. After my exams k? I PROMISE. Even if I start work.

hey man, I want you to know that I really treasure our friendship, no matter how distant it may seem sometimes. I feel so blessed to have friends like you.

Ice Cream

2007-05-25T13:16:00.000+08:00

Last nite, I was just going nuts mugging for today's paper. Told my sis I needed a break and that I needed some ice cream, Ben & Jerry in particular. We got out of the house and walked over to the Esso station down the road. They didnt have the small cups but there was an offer for the bigger ones. $18.90 for 2.

When I got home, I saw my mom and I was like, "mom, I've never spent so much on ice cream in my life." She laughed and said something about how perhaps it's cos she's been paying for such things previously.

We didnt finish the ice cream though. It's still in the freezer. One thing for sure, it definitely has some therapeutic effect.

My First Post

2007-05-23T15:38:00.000+08:00

I have a friend. I think he's the busiest person on earth. Yet today, i found out that he has a blog and he even has time to write captions on his photos!! well.. that just totally inspired me to get a blog myself. I intended to start one since some time in January 2007. Somehow, I never found the time. Now, I have.

It's exam time rite now. This is the first time in my life that i'm at home for 3 days straight. Feels like I've sold my soul or something.

My daily routine (for the last 3 days) is really simple. My alarm rings at 10.30am. I get out of bed at 11am. Hang around for awhile till my super-maid serves lunch. I start "work" immediately after that and don't stop till sometime before dinner, taking occasional breaks in between. After dinner, it's back to the books again. This time, i'll study till about 11pm and then i'll watch a movie till abt 1am or 2am. VCDs, the only form of entertainment I look forward to these days. The whole cycle just repeats itself again the next day and the day after that, as the term 'routine' suggests.

My last paper is on the 6th of June. Looks like my life is going to remain so bleak, especially on the weekdays, with a bf who's mostly uncontactable at work, and with exams drawing near. Anyway, after another 2 more weeks of this, I'll be free!! I'm going back to go windsurfing and kayaking!! oh, and not forgetting finding a job.

In the coming year, my final year of study, my mom wants me to work full-time and study part-time. I calculated my opportunity cost and well, she's rite. I should start working. Maybe it's time for me to grow up. No more student life of just slacking ard, occasionally skipping classes, or meeting up a variety of friends for lunch. After all, I am approaching my 21st birthday. I'll be squeezing with the morning crowd, with everyone rushing to get to work on time, looking forward to lunch hour, cos it'll probably be the only break i get in the day at work. After that, i'll be looking forward to 5pm. In between, I'll probably have to deal with quite a bit of stress from work.

Is life all about routine? Maybe. Perhaps it's about how we make the best out of it. I think I did learn something about myself the last few days. Spending my time reading and memorizing very boring stuff, it takes a great deal of willpower. And you know how those motivational speakers always talk about how you have to find ways to motivate yourself? gosh.. I didn't know those words came from experience, till the last few days. I'd tell myself, finish this chapter and then i'll go eat that bowl of instant noodles. At the end of the day, I feel this sense of satisfaction that I have accomplished something in the day, AND, I ate that bowl of instant noodles.

Charlene